How NOT to Write a Bestseller

By Guest Contributors - Jan 11 , 2008

By Lisa Adams.

Most writers, even the most realistic and humble, secretly think they have bestseller potential. And why not? Sometimes the most unlikely tomes end up flying off the shelves and earning their authors millions. It could happen to anyone—couldn’t it?

Yes, certainly. But it’s also true that not all books have the same chances.

Curious about the whole bestseller phenomenon, John Heath and I recently took a gander through the top American sellers from 1991 to the present, shaping our findings into a lively little book, Why We Read What We Read: A Delightfully Opinionated Journey Through Contemporary Bestsellers.

What we learned shocked us. For while representatives of nearly every genre make the bestseller lists, a majority of the most popular titles across genres share common themes, values and perspectives that clearly resonate with the American psyche and help launch those books to mega-success.

If you’re one of those few writers that spurns widespread popularity, fearing the cheapening influences of fame and fortune, worry not! Just be sure your books do some or all of the following five things, and you should be safely insulated from bestseller lists for years to come:

Squelch the human spirit.
Today’s Americans are inspiration junkies. Some of THE most popular books of the past seventeen years have delivered straight-up inspirational sap, like the cornucopian Chicken Soup for the Soul series and Mitch Albom’s various offerings. But in almost every bestseller from the recent past, fiction or nonfiction, the human spirit proudly prevails, showing just how wonderfully resilient and majestic we homo sapiens can be. This is especially true in the character-driven world of literary fiction, where seriously bad things happen with great frequency—but the human spirit always kicks butt in the end.

Make heroes and villains equally sane.
In genre fiction, especially of the thriller, horror, mystery, and adventure variety, America likes to know who’s who. Evil in these books nearly always sprouts from the demonic, sociopathic, or psychotic, with many authors lavishly cataloguing their villains’ distorted thoughts. Even political authors of the recent past have adopted the very same writing techniques—characterizing their opponents as crazy, evil, and unworthy of consideration. In other words, “thoughtful and empathetic” has not been the most winning approach to issues of right and wrong. Only in literary fiction can authors safely suggest that bad things happen because of unfortunate choices or garden-variety human conflict.

Acknowledge chaos.
If Americans want one message from their instructive reading, especially their religious and spiritual reading, it’s that everything happens for a reason—that God or the Universe has a perfect plan that ensures the best possible outcome for every hapless human soul. While it’s not at all surprising that readers would have a desire for such tidings, we found it surprising how shameless some authors were in delivering them. Whether the most hardcore of the Christians or the flakiest of the New Agers, writers promising structure and meaning sold millions upon millions of books. While not as blatant in other genres, this preference for order and purpose surfaces in virtually all top bestsellers.

Take relationships out of the 50s.
As we went through the marriage-menders of the past sixteen years, we were baffled to discover that the more popular they were, the more conservative. There are no liberal counterparts to huge hits like Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray, The Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura (Schlessinger), and Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil (McGraw)—all of which maintain that men and women are practically different species, macho men who need to conquer and irrational snugglers who need to nurture and chat. Wow, hand me an apron and a spatula! Readers will tolerate relationships of all kinds in most fiction, but conservatism sells in self-help books and romance novels.

End unhappily.
This is rule number one. Of the hundreds of books John and I read for this project, only ONE had a truly tragic ending, the kind that questions the limitless power of the human spirit—the kind that makes you feel a little bit sick. Those kinds of endings can be amazing—really!—but America will only turn up its nose and send them back. (The one tragedy that made it, House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III, was selected for Oprah’s book club, thus accounting for its unlikely sales.) In literary fiction, readers can endure conclusions that are mixed but hopeful; yet in genre fiction, they prefer happy –happy, joy-joy.

And there you have it: How NOT to write a bestseller in five simple steps.

Now, you might be thinking that the whole premise of this article—trying not to write a bestseller—is pretty absurd. Okay, you got me. But the truth is that trying to write one is equally so. No matter what you learn, no matter how you cater to readers’ preferences, you can’t guarantee success: only a miniscule percentage of published books ever achieve bestseller status.

So what’s more valuable is to learn as much as you can—to know what kinds of books people are buying, loving, and hating. Whether you’re an inspirational powerhouse or a crafter of dark and twisted tales, such knowledge can help you shape, sell, and promote your own work.

Remember this: Far more people make a living as non-bestselling authors than bestselling ones. And—though buckets of cash would be nice, too—writing for a living is really what we all want.
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Lisa Adams is co-author of Why We Read What We Read: A Delightfully Opinionated Journey Through Contemporary Bestsellers. She is also the author of S’mores: Gourmet Treats for Every Occasion and Business and Marketing Writing, along with various scripts, articles, and short stories that have appeared on television, in print, and on the web. To learn more about Why We Read What We Read, visit the web site and blog. You are also welcome to contact Lisa at http://www.lisaadams.com.