Get Your ASK in Gear!

By Susan Goodsell - Jul 13 , 2009

The concept of asking outright for what we want comes to us naturally—–when we’re young. A child will simply ask for an ice cream cone or a pony, with full expectation of getting what he wants. And every parent knows a child has no fear of rejection and thus will simply ask and ask and ask the same question until the answer is what he wishes it to be (or until Mom closes the conversation with an exasperated, “Because I’m the mom and I said so!”).

As an adult, we lose this ability to boldly ask for what we want. If things aren’t quite where you wish them to be in your writing career, it’s probably time to take a hard look at what you want and get your ask in gear!

My article title and mantra this week comes from a friend and dynamic business professional, Laura Bruno, owner of The Referral Institute Southern California.

In their book, The Power of Focus, Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, and Les Hewitt address this issue, stating, “And when you ask, you can receive all sorts of information, ideas, strategies, names of people of influence, and, yes, even money.”

And who in the book industry wouldn’t hugely benefit from receiving information, personal introductions to editors, publishers, or other bigwigs in the book industry, and more money?

So why do we hesitate to ask for what we want?

Fear of rejection is so cliché – that’s being turned down for a date for senior prom, so let’s get over that one!

Here are some common reasons we may not ask:

• Fear of pain – horror of horrors! What if the reject my article or say my writing is no good?
• Lack of previous success – I’ve asked for an introduction to this publisher before and hit a brick wall. Why bother putting myself out there only to receive new bruises?
• Loss of control of a situation – once I ask for feedback on my writing, the ball is in the other court and, frankly, I may not be able to handle how the answer bounces.
• Time involved or hesitancy to commit – is a yes going to mean I’ve overextended myself and now have to spend my Sundays writing instead of playing tennis or sitting on the couch with my beer and chips, catching the game on TV?
• Lack of confidence – I’m really not good enough to write a book, anyway.

Before some suggestions on what to ask for as a writer, ask yourself if you’re even up for this challenge! You can’t go about living your life half-assed, and you can’t go about becoming more successful as a writer half-asked!

Mark Ellensohn, a director/cameraman and owner of several film-related businesses, says, “Asking is the beginning part of the process of going after what you desire, whether it’s a goal, an asset, or anything personal. Just as importantly, asking at the end of the project, ‘Did I accomplish what I set out to do?’”

Says Mark, “Realize you’re creating your own fear by not asking.”

There simply is no downside. One scenario is that you get a No . . . yet isn’t that exactly where you are now? Keep the mindset that getting a No can be a good thing: Everything you ask for isn’t necessarily best or what’s meant to be. Also, it allows you the freedom to change gears, go down another path, or check something off your list. You may even get steered in a different direction that leads to writing jobs even better than the one you were originally working on.

As an author, things you should be regularly asking for include:

1. Work: Ask to be a regular contributor to a newspaper or website that has published your work in the past. Ask to ghostwrite for someone.
2. Introductions: You’ll never get the interview you don’t ask for! Be bold in asking for personal introductions to those who can lend credibility to your writing or assist you in your writing career. Be confident you will receive it.
3. Information: You can acquire referrals, important knowledge, and useful information to your writing simply by asking questions. Information for your writing is like a treasure hunt – one clue leads to another! We truly don’t even know what we don’t know!
4. Feedback: Ask for feedback on your writing projects. How can I make this piece better? The only way to become a better writer is to ask the hard questions and be open to honest communication about your craft.
5. Ask the most important question of all: How Can I Help You? This is the greatest question one could ever ask. How can I help you sell more books? How can I help make the editing process easier for you?

You’ll have questions along the way. Seek advice during the journey. Ask at the beginning of the project and be sure to ask at the end, as well.

So let’s commit to remembering those fearless children we were and ask for what we want with full expectations of receiving it.

Is this article useful and concise enough that other authors might be inspired and helped? Would you mind passing it along?  Just thought I’d ask!
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Susan M. Goodsell is a referral marketing professional, trainer, and author, based in Southern California. She is Executive Director and owner of BNI Riverside & San Bernardino Counties, CA. Her focus is helping entrepreneurs and business owners reach higher levels of success through word-of-mouth marketing.