Show—Don’t Tell!!!
By Susan Goodsell - Sep 28 , 2009
So here am I, my BNI work far from mind, sequestered in my bedroom on a sunny Saturday afternoon, laptop carefully balanced across my legs, editing my latest article, looking for cows, dog snoring softly at my feet.
“Hey, wait a sec, Susan!” Did you just write, “Looking for cows?!”
Yep…not just any ol’ cow, though: I’m looking for Bessie. You know Bessie—she’s the all-white heifer with a brown tail and a brown circular patch around her left eye. Bessie is softly flicking her tail, and when she notices you, she turns her soft, chocolate-colored, long-lashed eyes your way.
Can you see her?
Though ‘Show, don’t tell!’ is a basic rule in Writing 101, and though generations of writers have nodded, “Yes, of course, no problem—let’s move on to the good stuff,” I would argue many of us still struggle with this issue (please tell me it’s not just me!)
Bill Drew, Editorial & Content Director of Beneath the Cover and editor extraordinaire, is the one who introduced me to Bessie. I will be honest and admit that if Bill is requesting a rewrite or just offering constructive criticism on one of my articles, 99% of the time it is the same issue: I will get an email that bluntly states: “You have no Bessies” or “You are in a comfort rut and lacking Bessies is a large part of that comfort rut.” (Yes, Bill, these are actual quotes. I DO save your editing suggestions!)
It’s all about giving the reader something to easily visualize and remember. In the words of Bill, “You need something SPECIFIC and MEMORABLE and VIVID.”
In writing, showing and telling impart the same information. Telling, however, is a passive act; a simple flat-out statement, while showing is participatory and involves the reader, pulling them into the message.
In the words of science fiction writer Robert J. Sawyer, “When writing a romantic scene, don’t tell us that John is attracted to Sally; show us that his heart skips a beat when she enters the room.”
Sawyer gives us a great Bessie:
TELLING: “Mary was an old woman.”
SHOWING: “Mary moved slowly across the room, her hunched form supported by a polished wooden cane gripped in a gnarled, swollen-jointed hand that was covered by translucent, liver-spotted skin.”
An author that I read (and re-read) for the simple delight of how he paints word pictures is Pat Conroy. In his novel Prince of Tides, Conroy is absolutely lyrical in his character descriptions and of the Outer Banks of South Carolina.
TELLING: I had a bad relationship with my mother.
SHOWING: When the narrator’s wife, Sallie, picked up the phone and it was his mother, Conroy wrote: “Tell her I’m dead,” I pleaded. “Tell her I died last week and you’ve been too busy to call.”
He further goes on to say, “If she says she wants to come over tonight, I’m going to divorce you, Sallie. Nothing personal, but it’s you who’s making me answer the phone.”
You can easily (and humorously) deduce the narrator’s relationship with his mother from these passages. Conroy’s writing style of showing rather than telling makes the reader involved and eager to turn the page.
Read your writing with a critical eye. If any part seems lackluster or flat, or if you find yourself stating facts when you could be painting a picture, you may need to go bovine and add some Bessies.
Now get moooooooving!
