I’m Screwed Up – You’re Screwed Up

By Michael Drew - Sep 26 , 2010

Adjusting to a “Life Position” That Resonates

Baby Boomers were the instigators of the Consciousness Revolution and are widely considered the most self-absorbed and idealistic generation in American history. So it’s not surprising that the late 1960s were a boom time for pop psychology and self-help books. One of the most influential of these books was I’m OK – You’re OK, first published in 1967 by psychiatrist Thomas A. Harris MD.  It spent almost two years on the New York Times Best Seller List, sold over 15 million copies and was translated into a dozen languages.

I’m OK – You’re OK

The book revolves around the concept of Transactional Analysis, which is defined by founding psychiatrist Eric Berne as “a theory of personality and social action, and a clinical method of psychotherapy, based on the analysis of all possible transactions between two or more people, on the basis of specifically defined ego states into a finite number of established types.”

Let’s simplify the psychobabble a bit. The book reveals that the title — I’m OK – You’re OK — is also actually one of four “life positions” available to us:

1. I’m Not OK, You’re OK – early life position we adopt as children who see ourselves as little, weak and dependent and regard our parents and other adults as big, strong and independent
2. I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK – life position characterized by low self-esteem and mistrust of others
3. I’m OK, You’re Not OK – life position of superiority accompanied by smugness and condescension
4. I’m OK, You’re OK – ideal life position to achieve, being satisfied with yourself and others

I get it. I just don’t see how anyone can take an honest look at the world today and realistically hope to achieve that ultimate position of I’m OK – You’re OK. 5,677 U.S. service members have died in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, 43.6 million Americans live in poverty, 34% of us over the age of 20 are obese, corporate corruption is at an all-time high, the national debt figure is 13.5 trillion dollars, we’re willingly destroying our natural environment and reality TV dominates the ratings. Throw in the fact that the Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012 and it becomes blatantly obvious that I’m Screwed Up – You’re Screwed Up is much closer to the truth. (Not sure how the Mayan thing fits, but I had some momentum rolling and just went with it.)

I’m Screwed Up – You’re Screwed Up

This position isn’t the same as the I’m Not OK – You’re Not OK position in the book for two reasons:

1.     I don’t think the civic-minded generation of today suffers from low self-esteem. We just choose to accept our shortcomings and get on with it.

2.     We’re tired of things being sugarcoated (Not OK); we’d rather the truth, even if it’s ugly (Screwed Up).

To the Millennials, the I’m OK – You’re OK position only exists in the pretend world of a lazy person. It doesn’t accept reality and it doesn’t instill a drive in people to come together and fix things. So if I’m Screwed Up – You’re Screwed Up is where we are, what can you do to demonstrate that position when promoting yourself, your book, or your business?

1.     Let the world see you be real. Make a list of things that are demented, goofy or just plain weird about yourself and work some of them into your interactions with your audience.

2.     Find a cause and support it openly. This will communicate your recognition and acceptance of the problem and your desire to make it better.