Networking and Gender – How to Avoid the Traps

By BNI & Referral Institute - May 09 , 2011

By Lester R. Salvatierra, BNI Area Director

I’d like to offer some perspective on business networking between men and women on the eve of the publication of Dr. Ivan Misner’s new book, “Business Networking and Sex.” Well, it’s not really quite the eve of the debut of his new book, since it won’t be out until 2012, but it’s a hot topic that I’ve often heard various networking groups discuss, and now is as good a time as any.

The core of networking — and really the heart of referral marketing — consists of the one-on-one personal meetings that BNI defines as “dance cards.” It’s not the furious passing out of business cards at your local mixer or chamber event that creates credibility for you and your business: It’s the actual personal sit-down, face-to-face interaction you have with your potential referral partner. This is where you create rapport and you learn what drives and motivates the other person.

A Los Angeles Times article (Social networking ‘success’ doesn’t extend to offline relationships) noted that your social and business online relationships do not establish the intimacy and credibility that your personal meetings do. It’s much more powerful and meaningful to sit with someone for an hour and discuss each other’s businesses, and articulate key concerns and goals, than it is to click “like” on someone’s profile. The face-to-face meeting is not about to be replaced any time soon.

How about networking with the opposite sex? What are the key considerations when networking with the other gender? Is it the same when networking with your same-gender counterpart? A married person and a single person have to measure the obvious potential dangers of networking together. Without careful consideration, you could easily find yourself in an awkward situation that could potentially affect both your credibility and integrity.

Here are four great guidelines to keep you on a productive course yet safe from the potential pitfalls when networking with the opposite sex.

1) Keep your meeting times early, either breakfast or lunch. Don’t schedule after-hours connections or a quick glass of wine with the opposite sex. After-hours meetings take on a more relaxed tone and can easily drag on longer than intended and you could be sending mixed signals to your potential business partner. All this can be avoided by scheduling yourself earlier in the day and avoiding happy hour.

2) Set your initial meetings for exactly 45 minutes to an hour. No matter how well it’s going, the initial discovery contact should not extend beyond your set time. Let your partner know you have a schedule. This will help keep your business meeting focused on the details of the goals for each person. Allowing unlimited time may open the door for your conversation to drift into non-business related topics. Plus, you will not appear to be a busy, dynamic professional. Let your partner know your schedule and stick to it.

3) Watch your filter. Single people: Don’t let your personal chitchat drift into describing the wild party you attended the previous weekend or how many people you’re dating. In other words, do not become a distraction or temptation to your partner. Married people: Certainly mention your wife or husband and kids, but leave out the monotony of your life and complaints about your spouse. Save such shoulder-crying for your buddies and don’t open yourself up to being consoled. Your business persona mixed with some of your personal details make you human. Share hobbies and interests, but do not go beyond that; this will help maintain that emotional boundary and keep you in safe waters.

4) Set the tone. Show how serious you take the other person by doing some background research on him or her and his or her company. Have some specific questions ready. This is standard protocol for anyone with whom you network, but it’s particularly important when networking with the opposite sex. Compliment the other person on his or her capabilities and achievements and avoid the “I love your dress” or “You look so young” type of remarks that move you quickly off your business agenda. An associate of mine likes to print out the person’s webpage or LinkedIn profile and use that as a reference to keep his meetings on track and lets the other person know you are a serious networker.

Networking with the opposite sex requires sensitivity and a clear awareness that even though you are both business professionals, being opposite genders poses some potential risks you should avoid. I’ve heard stories from both sides on how devastating it can be when one person gives out mixed signals or takes the agenda in the wrong direction. Steer clear of the pitfalls and gain the other person’s trust and quickly build up your reputation in your local networking community by following to a few simple guidelines.

Lester Salvatierra is an experienced Finance Specialist with First U.S. Finance (http://www.FirstUSFinance.com). He helps small to mid-size companies lease or finance a wide variety of equipment and special projects for upgrades and expansions. He is also a networking pro and BNI Area Director in Ventura County, CA. Lester@FirstUSFinance.com Ph: 805-217-9896