Premature Solicitation

Has someone you didn’t even know ever solicited you for a referral or business? I call this “Premature Solicitation.” (Say that fast three times and you might get in trouble!)

I’ve been a victim of “premature solicitation” many times. I was recently speaking at a business networking event and before my presentation a man came up to me and said. “Hi, it is a real pleasure to meet you. I understand you know Richard Branson. I offer specialized marketing services and I am sure his Virgin enterprises could benefit from what I provide. Could you please introduce me to him so that I can show him how this would assist his companies?”

Here’s what was going on inside my head: “Are you completely insane? I’m going to introduce you, someone I don’t know and don’t have any relationship with, to Sir Richard, whom I’ve only met a few times, so that you can proceed to attempt to sell him a product or service that I don’t know anything about and haven’t used myself? Yeah, right. That’s NEVER going to happen.”

I am pleased to report, however, that with much effort, I was able to keep that little monologue inside my own head, opting instead for a much more subtle response.

I replied, “Hi, I’m Ivan, I’m sorry–I don’t think we’ve met before, what was your name again?”

That surprised the man enough to make him realize that his “solicitation” might have been a bit “premature.”

Long-Term Contacts

I explained that I regularly refer people to my contacts, but only after I’ve established a long-term, strong relationship with the service provider first. He said thanks and moved on to his next victim.

What was even more amazing to me was that a few months later I blogged about this experience on one of my favorite online social networks. A great dialogue ensued with most people sharing their horror stories and frustrations about people who pounce on them at networking meetings asking for business even though they’ve never met the person before.

Every time I start to think this is an almost universal feeling of distaste for that approach to networking, however, I am brought back to reality by the minority of people who still think that this is actually a good networking technique.

To my astonishment, a man on the forum actually wrote:

“I don’t happen to believe that you need a relationship with the person you are asking first. What you must have is a compelling story or product/service that would genuinely benefit the referral. The fact that you had not cultivated a relationship with the person has become irrelevant because, more importantly, you had been in a position to help [your contact] benefit from the introduction. If it’s of genuine benefit to the person being referred, I don’t see the problem. It’s about the benefit of what’s being referred rather than the relationship with the person asking for the referral.”

And he finished this astonishing point of view with:

“Who am I to deny my contacts something good?”


What can I say? The “relationship” is irrelevant! All you have to have is a good story, product, or service and I owe it to you or any stranger (who says he or she has a good product) to introduce him or her to a good contact of mine! Really? People really think this way!?

According to this writer, it doesn’t matter if I actually know or trust the person wanting the business. As long as the person has a good product (or so he says), I should refer that person because I would otherwise “deny” my contacts “something good”!

I absolutely disagree with this. I would ask anyone interested in business networking to keep the following in mind:

  1. Networking is not about hunting. It is not about one-shot meetings.
  2. Networking is about farming. It’s about cultivating relationships.
  3. Don’t be guilty of “premature solicitation.”   Do not ask someone for a referral or for business until you feel confident that THEY know and trust you.
  4. Use networking opportunities to meet people.  Then, schedule additional times to connect so that you can build trust before asking for business.

You’ll be a better networker – and a more successful entrepreneur – if you remember these points.

Called the “father of modern networking” by CNN, Dr. Ivan Misner is a New York Times bestselling author.  He is the Founder and Chairman of BNI (, the world’s largest business networking organization.  His book, Networking Like a Pro, can be viewed at  Dr. Misner is also the Sr. Partner for the Referral Institute (, an international referral training company.

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One Response to “Premature Solicitation”

  1. Anonymous April 23, 2012 at 1:35 pm #

    Wow. Very presumptuous. Relationships are always important, especially in business, especially in networking. I disagree with the writer mentioned as well. Part of the benefits of networking is having quality referrals, not just anyone who waves a business card in your general direction. 

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